The Comedian's Mask

Robin Williams was a pop icon who was also a comedic genius and the world, myself included, was shocked by the news of his suicide earlier this week.  On the surface, he was a cheerful man with an undeniable gift of making America laugh.  He had impeccable timing and an uncanny ability to deliver the punchline or climax of any humorous joke or story.  A multifaceted actor, Robin Williams could engage the audience in any style or genre of film or television program simply by using his God-given talent.  Alas, his comedic mask could no longer carry the burden of the tragic one. 

I am not versed in Robin Williams’ complete biography; both on a personal or professional level.  I am not a psychiatrist nor do I claim to be an addiction specialist.  I am simply a fan speaking from my heart trying to make sense of his desperate motives.

Perhaps the level of his despair will never be fully realized.  Addiction has a way of masking one’s true emotions.  Whether through the mythical comforts of alcohol, the deceptive power of drugs, or the illusory assumption that sobriety is untroublesome, addiction acts as a veil or another layer of protection from ourselves.  The good news about sobriety is that you get to feel your feelings.  The bad news about sobriety is that you get to feel your feelings. 

When you stop drinking, it feels as if you are naked in a room packed with fully-clothed people with everyone's eyes on you.  The scrutiny is soul-shattering and the magnitude of societal pressure that you feel compares to nothing else.  Not to sound too corny, but this outer body experience is foreign, unfamiliar, and guaranteed to be painful.  I cannot imagine what it would be like for a celebrity who is incessantly in the thrones of public opinion.  In order to maintain sobriety and sanity, you must reinvent yourself, change your inner voice, not to mention your social circle, and constantly look at things in a different way…one day at a time.  

"Why do I stand up here? Anybody? I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way."

~Robin Williams as John Keating in Dead Poet's Society

O Captain, my Captain...you will be missed...